Special House

This blog has been in draft perhaps for the longest time, mostly for want of the right words to express a delicate subject. Hope that I did justice and that it will open few conversations on the topic.

****************

"How was the special house like?"

"How did you know it was me if there were other kids too in the house?"

"Who took care of me when you were not there?"

It's been seven years to Makar Sankrant 2018, when Roshni and I went to this "special house" to bring Anika home and we have been telling the story to our daughter since she was a toddler. She is seven & half years old now, and often lying down in the bed at night, she asks such questions about this house. 

A part of us is happy, as we think/ hope that these conversations would help in her in accepting the fact that we are not her biological parents when she grows up.. While we would want to always start her life-story with the day we met her at the "special house", however we are aware that one day will come soon, when Anika would want to know the prelude to the story, as to how/ why she came to this special house ... At that stage, we won't have any answers and not sure how she will react then.

Our hope would be that, by then, we would have given her a good life with happy memories and the right set of values, to lead her on the right path. 

For us, the journey began in July 2016 when we decided that we would adopt our second child and registered with the Central Adoption Resource Agency (CARA), the nodal agency under the Women & Child Development Ministry, Government of India. After multiple visits and document submission, we got ourselves eligible as 'Prospective Adoptive Parents' by Sept 2016. Then the wait of 15 months ended when we got the communication that they have found a match. 

The rest of the story for the last 7 years has been the same as her brother or any other children in her school or housing society.

[Pic taken on 15/1/2018, on way back home!]

I must say that the entire legal adoption process was seamless and more importantly digital , with a proper online trail of documents submitted, the court process, the home inspection reports by CARA agencies etc.

In this context, I thought of jotting down few points for couples thinking of adoption:

1) The journey would simply start with wanting to have a child - either as the first child or a sibling to your biological child. Once that idea is planted, how we get there ideally doesn't matter - Adoption is also another approach, like the conventional biology.

2) The biggest difference though is getting through the mental block and apprehensions. Societal acceptance may be the biggest worry for anyone but believe me, you would be surprised by the wonderful reception that the world mostly welcome such decisions. Me and wife had sat through the night chalking out potential Q&A before planning to break out our decision to our parents and our siblings... Our efforts got wasted when all of them said Yes in the first few minutes of conversation! Once they had agreed, there was no need to reconsider.. We had a welcome party when Anika came home and it was attended by 70-80 friends and families who welcomed her warmly into the family. ☺️

3) Having said that, there are several stories of couples not being able to convince either themselves or their parents.. In such cases, it may be difficult to proceed unfortunately, as it's important that the child grows up in a positive environment.

4) There would always be some relatives or friends who may show reservations or discomfort to the idea. You should respect their decision... and 'stay away from them' 🤦🏽 ! Let them not derail your plans if your immediate family, or the people whom the child is likely to grow together with, is agreeable.

5) After the initial few weeks of welcoming the child into the family, it's like any other day for the parent and the child. A special mention of our elder son who knew from the beginning and continues to be this amazing big brother to her, ever since she entered our home. Right from carefully sorting the toys safe for the toddler-sister to now making her cross the road carefully holding hands !! Before you think it's all happy-happy Suraj Barjatya film story, let me assure you that there are enough sibling fights (over TV remote, games etc) to cause noise pollution in the apartment!! 😜

Ofcourse as mentioned in the beginning, there will always be a thought on how will the kid react when they grow and start becoming inquisitive. Some parents chose to keep it a secret as long as possible, but such secrets may not be easy in this social media age (where everything gets recorded). More importantly, if the child comes to know from an external source, it may be more tough reconciling and adjusting. It's better to warm up the child right from a young age, blend into the day thru dining-table conversations or bed-side stories. There are some beautiful examples of adopted children in Indian mythology - Sita, Draupadi, Karna - who have been an epitome of 'all things good'.. Even Lord Sri Krishna grew up under the foster care of Yashoda ma. Let the child grow up listening to their stories and the values that these impart. After all, there is nothing wrong done which needs to be hidden and instead should be celebrated.

That's few tidbits from our journey so far. We are still learning and hopefully we don't falter much in the future. 

Hope I have provided some information or atleast opened up someone to this beautiful experience of making a family.

There are many special kids in "Special Houses" out there waiting for the right set of families to start their stories. Please feel free to connect with me if you want to discuss this further. Happy to help !

Cheers

Sunil ... & Roshni (the better half!!)